Just as there are endless possibilities to achieve goals, it is quite often that we stumble along the journey. This is normal. I believe these little missteps are important to keep us humble, but also teach us to become stronger. So, don’t beat yourself up about the mistakes you make along your journey. You are the most important person in your life and you should treat yourself accordingly.
At one of my first jobs as an RN, I had a patient who had jumped in front of a train about 11 years previously. She had become a quadriplegic and was dependent upon others for all of her needs. This is a sad story and I feel bad about her circumstances; however, she was mean, like, really mean. She made every nurse and CNA assigned to her cry by the end of the day. It was her super power. I knew it was going to be a particularly rough day when I got to work at 6 am for report and everybody looked at me with pity. “Sorry, Vanessa, it’s your turn.” My heart sank to the pit of my soul. And I had been in such a positive mood that morning!
It quickly became apparent just what I was in for after my first entry into this patient’s room. For starters, everyone had to gown up before entering her room, each and every time, to protect other patients and self from her contagious infection. She needed daily wound care, which was quite extensive and required the help of my CNA. She was extremely picky about every little detail of her care and none of it was ever good enough. Once you were in the room, she made it very difficult to leave because she always had further demands.
At one point, it was time for her bed bath. She started calling my CNA names, telling her she was an idiot and couldn’t do anything right. This was halfway through our 12-hour shift, mind you, and I had had enough of the mistreatment. I flat out told her she had no right to treat my CNA that way and if she wanted any further help from us, she would apologize and treat the aid with as much respect as we were showing her. Surprisingly, she did straighten up her attitude and started to be a little kinder; the rest of the shift went without further issue.
For the rest of that week and the following, I came into work and found my name listed as her nurse. I was even given two fewer patients to compensate, so instead of five patients, I had only three. Come to find out, I was the only nurse she had not made cry after caring for her and she had requested me. I will not say we were “friends” at that point, but I think I was the closest thing she had to a friend after she had pushed almost every other person out of her life by her mistreatment of them.
Now, I am not saying I was such a great RN that I was the only one who could have cared for her; there were many more who had been a nurse for longer and probably much better than I was. But the one thing I did do differently than others was to leave my attitudes and biases at the door. I knew she was considered a demanding patient and very difficult. I knew she had made the other nurses cry, but I did not treat her that way. Before I went in the first time, I thought about how difficult her life must be, having no control of anything, not even having the ability to scratch her nose.
How lonely and hopeless she must have felt to have jumped in front of that train so long ago? I can only imagine. My job was not to judge her or treat her badly just because she was cruel to everyone. It was my pleasure to be able to provide a kindness to her that others had given up on. She needed it more than anyone else. Caring for her taught me the value of kindness and that every person, no matter the circumstances, deserves love. Everyone includes yourself. Being kind to yourself may be the hardest task. It is easy to be overly self-critical. It’s almost like we learn this from a young age, or at least I did, that somehow it is okay to berate and belittle ourselves for our mistakes and failures. Guess what? It’s not okay.
Perhaps, if this patient had been more loving and kinder to herself, she wouldn’t have felt it was a good option to try to end her life…maybe. It can be so hard to see in yourself all the amazing things you are, but try to see them. They are there, ready to shine. I believe as we are kind and loving to ourself, it is easier to be kind and loving to others around us. It is easier to see the true sense of being human. Understanding your self-worth makes it easier to see the worth in other people. It makes humanity better as a whole.