In my early twenties, as a young mother, I thought I knew everything and I had strong opinions about other people doing things the “wrong” way. My vast knowledge came from reading self-help books and taking a couple of psychology classes at a community college. I’ll also throw my religion at the time into the mix as a contributing factor to my harsh judgement of others and myself.
For as long as I can remember, I grew up feeling inadequate, shy and awkward. I cried at classical music and Disney movies. My older brothers bullied me. I was a lonely child with few friends. And, as a girl growing up in the Mormon religion, I was taught my purpose in life was to be a good wife and mother and nothing more. I didn’t get great grades in school because I was too afraid to ask any questions or stand out at all. It was better to just sit quietly in the corner and not be noticed.
Well, at some point between high school and early college, I decided I would not sit quietly in the corner and watch life pass me by with no voice of my own. I decided to not only have a voice but make sure everyone heard it. I thought I knew so much about life all of a sudden, but truth be told, I really knew nothing and I knew it. It was a fake sense of confidence in myself and my knowledge. But, hey, fake it ‘til you make it, right?
I read some stupid article about homeschooling your kids and how the school systems were so horrible and decided that I would homeschool my kids. I had strong opinions about religion and right and wrong. I spouted off at a family party about my strong opinions about the school system and how I was going to do so much better by keeping my kids at home and teaching them naturally. Man, was I dumb. This lasted all of about 3 months, at best, before I realized I didn’t know anything about teaching children how to read or do arithmetic.
You would think this was a good lesson for me to realize I did not know everything and was not always right. But it wasn’t. I would read some article somewhere that resonated with me and then go full in on the belief I was smart and right and others were not. Judging others harshly for not having the same knowledge as I had learned from an internet source of stupidity.
Many humbling experiences followed in my life as I realized I knew a miniscule amount of the truth in the universe. Even more humbling was realizing a lot of the “truth” in the universe is incredibly subjective. I used to believe that there was only one true religion in the world and all needed to hear of it to be saved for eternity. I used to judge those that had not received this truth as foolish. Maybe even pitied them for their ignorance. Fortunately for me, I started to see from other people’s perspective and realized this was not the truth.
The more education I received, the more I realized there was so much more I needed to learn. Life is not just a black and white, right and wrong system of linear movement. It is not always point A to point B to point C. It is loops and circles and jumps and falls. Life is like the art of a toddler scribbling a picture on a blank piece of paper and calling it a masterpiece. Each masterpiece is defined by the artist as we go along. Our job is to see from the eyes of the artist. Appreciate their art. I may not love Picasso, but I can appreciate his art. I prefer Monet, while others may find it too conforming.
Don’t judge too harshly. Create your masterpiece and accept that some will see it the way you do and others will not, but one way is not right or wrong for all people. As you find your voice in this life, remember to listen to others’ voices as well. It doesn’t mean you have to change your mind constantly, but it will help you have empathy for others. It will help you have empathy for yourself and guide you to find your best life. Judging others too harshly about their beliefs and choices is a great way to be lonely. So, let go of preconceived ideas about right and wrong. Allow yourself to accept others with differing views. Most importantly, remember that all of us on this planet are just trying to figure out how to navigate the storms of life.